Am I Happy?

It’s that time of the year again. A time when another number is magically added to my age. Ever since I’ve reached my 3rd decade years back, somehow I kept constantly forgetting my age after that — believe me when I say that it was not intentional. It seemed like my consciousness has decided to stop counting, and if ever anyone dared to ask me of my age, I would have to whip my trusted phone out just to calculate. As if that isn’t enough of a sign of just how old I am becoming.

Time sure goes by fast. I feel like I should force myself to take a moment’s pause just so I could contemplate on things that had happened thus far in the past year and so. And as I am here, sitting at the back of a taxi writing this, I wonder if today I am finally able to answer my life’s recurrent question… “Are you happy Kim?”

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” 
— Abraham Lincoln

Happiness has always been my life’s ultimate goal and so is probably everyone and asking myself this question every year on my birthday allows me to see things in my life perspectively. However, I often wonder if doing so is a healthy thing as I can’t help but shed a tear or two whenever I can’t answer in the affirmative. There are just so many things I wish I could do and hope to achieve that life tends to get really frustrating when everything seems to be going in the opposite direction.

We often hear people say that if we want something, then we should make it happen, but then making things happen is always easier said than done. Others, who are more accepting, would be telling you otherwise that things may just not happen for a reason; but then my curious nature would constantly wonder “what could the reason be?”. I can’t help but feel stuck in more ways than one as I hear an invisible clock ticking somewhere in the distance telling me to “HURRY UP!” or worse, “TIME’s UP!”

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” 
— Omar Khayyám (The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám)

However, as I again grow another year older and hopefully wiser, one other part of me thinks slightly differently. The part, that despite all of life’s vexations, sings praise for this added year of life. The part that sees this as an opportunity to achieve its ultimate goal of happiness — of attaining inner peace and contented bliss.

No matter how long this quest for happiness will take, it will be a roller coaster ride. Always full of ups and downs, twists and turns — an epitome of dangerous thrills and more.

One hell of a crazy and fun ride…

    “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.” 
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)


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